Friday, October 2, 2015

Only a Fool


                April 4th, 2013

 

                It’s been a month or so since I’ve posted anything. So much has happened. Since I left Norfolk, I have met many people, done many things, killed many zombies, and learned many things about this crazy ass world we live in. Normally for April Fools day back home, we would play practical jokes on people in the bar. It seems someone has played a pretty good one on me. I’ll start by saying that I won’t be trusting anyone from this point on. I picked up a hitchhiker yesterday. It had been a long drive by myself. I have made several pit stops along the way. And everyone knows it doesn’t take over a month to drive from Virginia to Texas. But it’s the apocalypse. Shit happens!

                Most of the towns I drive through seem pretty tame. Hell, I’ve stayed several days in a few of them because they are so….what’s the word….magical. I am convinced the ASMZ has taken over the world by now. Some of these towns seem so happy and serene, then around the corner comes a giant ASMZ tank or a dozen or more armed officers. At the same time, the grocery stores are open, the hospitals are open.. looks pretty clean and nice. As I travel west though, I have noticed more fences and barbwire facing inward toward the villages and cities.

It’s wild, but who knew the government had so much fencing and barbed wire? I mean, that shit is everywhere! Ugh, anyway…. Like I was saying. I picked up a hitchhiker.

                It was in the middle of the day. I was driving and the sun was out. The weather is changing and getting hotter and hotter the more I travel toward Hell…..I mean Texas. And there he was. Walking on the side of the road like a God. No shirt, cowboy hat, Wrangler jeans and boots, with his left hand out and thumb sticking up. I had to stop….right ladies? I pulled over and he trotted to the car, got in, and melted my heart. Darker skinned white boy with electric blue eyes. He was all sweaty and stuff. So hot. Anyway, it wasn’t a mile up the road and I caught him lookin at my boobs. I was slightly uncomfortable, but turned on at the same time and decided to spark a conversation. “Where are you headed?” He was quiet, then finally said… “Here’s fine.”

                That ass hole made me pull over at gunpoint and stole my damned car! It had all my gear in it and everything too! That pretty boy got to me… but that’s not the best part. He drove off until I almost couldn’t see him anymore. I heard the faint sound of screeching tires, I saw tire smoke from ahead, then watched my car flip over and over on the highway ahead of me.

                I drew my knife out and began running to the car. I was gonna kill that bastard. When I finally got to there, the God Boy was gone. I wanted to see if he’d bleed as good as he looked. I had my good knife out too…. But he was gone. If you know your way around, I was several miles south of Montgomery, Alabama. It was a long stretch of road on highway 65. There I stood, with a dirty ass shirt, tattered shorts and a knife in my hand. Then, I heard a whistle. Not just any whistle…. A cat calling whistle. I was used to it, working in bars my whole life. But out here in the wild with zombies and crazy ass government shit going on… you never know what you’re going to run up on.

                Then I heard a tinny, annoying voice. “You good?” I didn’t know where it came from. And muffled quietly, I heard another voice, but I couldn’t make out what it was saying. Again, I heard, “Are. You. Good?” I was standing there with my blade out, sweat soaked clothes and ready to kill, but had to answer. “I’m fine, but if you stole my car, Imma’bout to whip your ass!”

                I stood there, glanced at my car which is FUCKED, then noticed two, white bunny ears stick out from around a tree. A man with dirty white bunny ears stepped out into sight. His left arm was hidden behind the tree, but was being pulled here and there for some…reason. He looked…. Comfortable. He looked at me, then rolled his eyes… “No you silly, are you GOOD… like… in bed?”

                It took me a minute to realize that this little bunny man was serious. It just pissed me off. I started towards him, and he pulled a body from behind the tree. It was my blue eyed devil. Duct tape around his mouth, tears streaming from his blue eyes and his arms zip tied together behind his back. “Looky what I have!”

                I stopped dead in my tracks. The bunny man began to speak. “Look, I’m on my way to a place, I need people to go with me and you should be totally excited to come….with me…..”

                I replied. “FUCK. YOU. Keep that bitch and don’t follow me. I have to find another car, you crazy ass….. bunny. Man!”

                “Actually.” The man began to speak. “My name is Pup… at your service. I have transportation, and I can take you away from….those.”

                He pointed behind me and beyond my poor wrecked car. ZOMBIES. Where did they come from? There seemed to be a few small hordes of them, but still….WTF?!? I was exhausted too. I started counting how many there were, and got lost after 10 heads.. Fuck it. I kicked the glass out of the back window of my car, which was on its side now, and grabbed my Go Bag. It had all my shit in it, only a few knives though. I didn’t have time to grab everything. Fuckin’ zombies man!!! AAAAGGGHHHH!!! “Lead the way!” I said sarcastically to the bunny man.

                He grabbed blue eyes by his hair and started dragging him into the brush. “Where are you taking me?” I asked… Then I asked again. Bunny man just pointed through more dense brush leading further into the trees of Alabama. Then I saw where we were going. Through the trees I saw a green shimmer. Bunny man stopped and turned, faced me, then bowed like a gentleman….crazy rabbit…. “For you madam.”

                It was a fucking plane… A FUCKING PLANE!! “We really should hurry though, those zombs looked hungry.” Bunny man looked a bit more frazzled as he opened the side door and threw blue eyes in. I noticed he said zombs. I hadn’t heard anyone outside the ZFC call the walking dead that… made me start to wonder.

                “Please strap in.. you can sit up front on me…by me.” That little bunny man is a pervert. But he’s my ride out so I had to play along…..no pun intended.

                He turned on the engine, the propellers sputtered on and began to hum loudly. They spun so fast they disappeared. I was deathly afraid of flying, but against a growing horde of zombies, I’ll take almost any avenue out of there. The plane slowly turned and went down a hill. We gained speed. I looked out the windows and watched the flaps move upward as the plane lifted from the ground.

                I watched the earth pull away. I saw hordes of zombies gather in different places. There were more than I thought there’d be. Bunny boy spoke over the engine noise. “We’re headed south west! I’m meeting friends in New Orleans! You’ll be safer… Trust me!” I could barely hear him over the sound of the plane, but I smiled, grateful for the ride out of the woods and zombies. He smiled back, and put his hand on my leg.

                Then I slapped him hard, in the face, breaking his glasses. Besides blue eyes in back crying through the duct tape over his mouth… it was a pretty quiet flight. I’ll check in soon enough. Stay safe out there. This is Jessi, hoping for a shower, and signing off.

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