Tuesday, September 6, 2011

DEAD ISLAND IRONY

So im watching tv with my wife. Were flipping through the channels trying to keep up with the fires burning through Texas. A commercial comes on advertising a midnight release of the much anticipated game DEAD ISLAND. My wife was falling out and I decided to make a run. I looked online at the closest available gamestop to me that would be selling at midnight, and Galveston was it. There was a gamestop 5 minutes from the house but fate asked me to go out of my way for such a worldly object. So be it.

I decided to take the Subaru. My family was asleep and the rumble of my motorbike would surely wake them all on this, the last night of a 3 day labor day weekend. It wasn't washed. I could tell because there was a distinct imprint of a bloody face and one hand print on the windshield. My wife must of had an exciting drive the day before. Oh well. Must soldier on.

On the freeway I was listening to a radio program (coast to coast) and they were covering demon possession and otherworldly influences that could be a part of our government. And as odd a topic as it was, it was a good break from real life. And just as I traveled onto the Galveston island bridge, I saw the cliche zombie on the side of the road, stuffing it's face with what used to be a dog or armadillo or chupacabra... I don't know what it was. But it was that bloody scene that made me respect the tame conversation that was on the radio.

The bridge to Galveston was dark that night. There were half as many lights on. And most of the light I had was either coming from my Subarus head lamps or from the occasional burning vehicles rolled off to the side lane. That's when my zombie-dar started to go off. 'Somethings definitely not right'.

By the end of the bridge I realized that the gamestop was a mile away, inside the parking lot of what used to be a Wal-Mart super center. Lots of space to challenge my cars racing suspension, or to mow down zombies. Hard choice...

First things first. Get the game, then test my suspension while mowing down zombies in the parking lot. Good plan if I must say so myself.

As soon as I stepped out, a moan came from behind my left shoulder. My reaction was a quick high elbow jab. It dropped the guy to his knees. I say guy, because it was one. He was dressed as a zombie for the release party. His girlfriend was already teary eyed and jerking me down towards the ground with her index finger over her puckered lips.

We rolled under a truck obviously owned by a hillbilly. Ive never hidden behind a truck tire until then. Well...there was that one time.. but I won't get into all that. That truck was jacked up higher than a beach house on stilts. But who am I to judge. Psychologists say erectile dysfunction manifests itself in many different ways.

I should have listened to the rest of the commercial earlier that night. People were asked to dress up as a zombie for the release. My bad. That poor dude was holding his nose from falling off and all the while I should have been in character myself. I was about to apologize when the lady quickly held her hand over my mouth. She pointed off to the right.

Zombies.

Hundreds of zombies coming towards the gamestop. There were protesters outside the store picketing that this was zombie exploitation. 'ITS NOT THEIR FAULT' written on signs. My personal favorite was 'FAT ZOMBIES NEED LOVE TOO'. Anyway, their noise attracted every zombie in the area.

There we were. In the most ironic moment of my life. Hiding from zombies. Under a hillbilly truck ( which I make fun of all the time), on an island full of zombies, while trying to buy DEAD ISLAND. How crazy is that??

The horde shuffled their way right next to us. I remember trying not to breath too loud to a point to where I almost suffocated myself. My new buddy was bleeding through his fingers from his nose giving me the 'I HATE YOU' look. Geez. I already apologized.

The horde was big. Too big for me and my gun. I decided to stay hidden. Good thing too. The zombs made their way to the protesters. And because if their values, most of them died... then came back to kill off the rest. The doors to the gamestop were locked tight and the patrons inside were too busy playing the game on big screens to even notice.

But I noticed. It was a massacre. The zombies didn't leave much left. And I know it shouldn't be funny, but the night's ironies didn't end with my personal situation. The zombies ended up with the picketers 'ZOMBIE RIGHTS' signs. Moaning and stumbling around with those things was hilarious. Eventually the horde moved on. We kept position and waited for the ASMZ convoy to pass by. We didn't want to be seen or questioned so we got better acquainted under the truck. Turns out they were a husband and wife team that had never killed a zombie on their own. I invited them to my wife's weekly get together, teaching our communities how to protect themselves from zombies.

After most of the drama was gone, we all went in together. People are so creative with their zombie costumes. Some looked really life like. Very good!!

In the end, I bought the game, went home and played it until I loved it. Its not an immediate love like RED DEAD REDEMPTION. But it's really good just the same. You can see my other short comments about the game on Twitter @eddierotten.

I'll think twice next time I want to venture out at midnight for a game run. Im still on punishment from the wife....

I love punishment ;)

KILLEM'ALL
EDDIE ROTTEN

1 comment:

  1. Eddie
    This is ZFC Daniel here!I have heard we're going to UK.Our mission is to find jig right?When do we go to UK?And can you or a trusted fellow pick us up?or do we go to our nearest airport?Please report back...

    ReplyDelete