Wednesday, May 18, 2011

5.18.2011 JAMES & MONICA (part one)

Unknown to me, the ANDROID app ZOMBIE LIFE influenced two people to become much needed zombie fighters. Sure, there are hundreds, maybe thousands of zombie fighters around the world. But after today's display, I'm not sure there are any as talented at Zombie killing as our new team members JAMES & MONICA.

It was around 10 this morning when I heard the neighborhood dogs start to bark. Usually they carry on for a few minutes,  then I can roll back over and get more sleep. I've said it a million times before, night shift sux.

It was a motorcycle I heard getting closer and louder. I decided to get up and check the blinds like I routinely do. Looking back at me with its face smashed against the window, a gray faced zombie covered in dirt and gravel from the road was immediately opposite a double barrelled shot gun. And at the end of that barrel was the scruffy face of a man named JAMES. He let loose the pressure behind the head of the zombie he had so hard pressed against my window and stepped back to reveal 30 or more corpses sprawled out in the wake of his arrival.

My fingers were spread wide open trying to get a better look at his face through my blinds. He leaned into the window and squinted in the morning sun. "I really need to pee", he says.

I put up my index finger and stepped away from my 'window to the apocalypse'.  I found myself hopping in place again trying to put on my steal toe boots in angst to meet this road warrior.

Blah blah blah, we sat at the table and talked. He told me his name but not where he's from. Told me he had a twitter account and had been following my tweets since day one. He showed compassion for my dog DOT that I had to put down. He said his dog turned zombie too and that's what got him hooked on following my blog. It wasn't long till we were breaking bread and talking about the good old days before zombies. We laughed about things that were so huge then, but so insufficient now. Like American Idol and Justin Beiber. Man we were a blind culture.

I finally got him to tell me how he killed over 30 zombies without firing his shotgun once. His only reply, "machete". Which was firmly planted in a pouch on his back. That's when the doorbell rang. "Oh, that must be MONICA" he says.

MONICA was a stunner. Beautiful but hard to read . She too had to promptly use the facilities.  MONICA was an acquaintance only thru the internet with JAMES.  They planned on rendezvousing at my house ever since they got wind of the EDDIEROTTEN.COM website. She had upgraded to a higher end android phone, and then she loaded the ZOMBIE LIFE app. She complained like everyrdoes of how crappy the app looks and that I should invest in something better. I'm working on it though.

Through the weeks before today, MONICA & JAMES realized they both had the unique talent of zombie extinction just like me and my family. They both had a hate for the ASMZ and the Super secretive CANARY GROUP as do I. They also had information about the 'reorganized GYPSY GROUP'.  I definitely hadn't heard of that. But things move pretty fast these days.

MONICA made herself at home and raided my fridge. They both told me that as much as they appreciated my hospitality,  they weren't there to see me at all. JAMES came to meeting my sons, who motivated him to become the machete wielder he had become. And MONICA. Well, she came for a chance to fight ZOMBIES side by side with my wife; who she says is a living legend where she's from.

So, there they sat. Waiting. And as my lawn slowly filled itself with ZOMBIES,  and as neighbors ran in cowardly fashion, my new guests waited with anticipation for my family, THE BEST ZOMBIE KILLERS IN THE WORLD to get home from school and work.
(Continued in part two of JAMES & MONICA)

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